This past week, I read several blog entries about how ex-wives/bio-moms and current wives/stepmoms learned to bury the hatchet and get along. I’ve been thinking about my situation and how horrible it was the first few years after the divorce. It felt like I was living in one of Dante’s circles of hell.
I’m quite sure that I was the “crazy” one in the co-parenting triangle of ex-husband, his girlfriend (now wife) and me for quite a while. I was an ideal picture of a bitter shrew of an ex-wife – angry, betrayed and not wanting my kids around the woman who slept with and had a baby with ex-husband before we were divorced.
Really, I didn’t want the kids around ex-husband either, if you must know. I felt completely out of control. I thought he had no moral fiber. Yes, I was judgmental (extremely) in regard to both of them. After all, it’s easier to be self-righteous than to have to admit accountability, right?
I thought it was horrible that he could cause such pain in the lives of four people who loved and depended on him, seemingly without batting an eyelash, with no regret, just happily moving on, kicking his heels up and starting a new life. Nevermind the fact that had things been good between me and husband, he’d likely not have been looking for a girlfriend – whether stationed out of the country for a year or not.
Anyway, I know I did not make things easy in the beginning for his girlfriend (now wife). I acted out of anger and she reacted, wanting to protect her man and her relationship I’m sure. It was ugly and not one of the finer times in my life as far as behavior goes. I’d hate to be judged only upon the actions and words from that time of my life. While I did those things, they are not an accurate picture of who I really am.
Thankfully, time healed, rational thought took over, accountability was accepted and apologies were extended. She and I were able to find peace between us and we are at a different place now. We’re not friends by any means, but we are friendly, kind to each other, and able to focus on what’s best for the children on the rare occasion when we do have contact.